but I always longed for something more-- I longed to be in with them... The IN crowd.
You know those people. the handsome and they know it, smart and they relish in it, clever and they flaunt it, dashing always on it, life of the party people. The ones who gathered crowds like candles gathered moths. And they could care less, because when one moth got too close and was singed, there was always another moth only too happy to take the empty space.
I looked at them with my zebra dirt streaked socks and my uncombed hair, with the slight but detectable aroma of desperation that hung on my wrinkly clothes, not even having the courage to drift into the periphery of the moths.
so off I would shuffle to my one but dutiful friend to eat a Godfather taco pizza...
But today I had a revelation. Somewhere my vision had changed... Well, actually it was something else that changed--
it was my in crowd.
I realized that fact when I saw I was delighted that I had become friends of of one of my delightfully creative and imaginative but quirky friends (who's gorgeous but doesn't know it.) I wrote to the new friend
"now I am finally in with the in crowd"
to which he replied
"We are the most in that you will get! More than innie belly buttons!"
which led me to say
"hopefully not covered with lint though..."
and he said
It made me smile... Had I just inferred that someone was covered with lint like an old bellie button? Further more-- had they actually humored me?
Holy sugar cubes to my imaginary horse batman-- had my new friend not run away scratching his head at my random quirk comment, but joined in like it was normal?
That's the thing-- it WAS normal...
normal for us
it also made me write the most random poem which in turn made me think.
When had I gone from longing to be with the hip cool kids to being with the even hipper because their weirder cool kids? When had I become content to love the one kid who would defend me instead of running after the one who would ignore me?
I have spent most of my life wishing I had something that was right under my nose. But before I could see it, I had to first decide I was worth it. Groucho Marks is reported to have said, "I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member" which is funny if said by a comedian, but tragic if lived by a person. When I made the conscious choice to walk away from the IN crowd and be okay with the crowd I was in, I saw two things-- one, my freaky peeps, were actually amazing and colorful and fun and delightful-- and further more-- so was I.
They would eat my cookies, and share my burdens, and none of them would laugh at me when I told them I wanted to be a clown... well, no, actually they did-- in fact one of them told me i would have to leave his office-- but I didn't listen to him because he thinks he's a ninja, and hah, since he's scared of clowns its like rock paper scissors and no matter what he does, Im always fire!
So the lesson here? I don't know if there's a lesson. but for me an observation. Im happy my friends are who they are and do what they do. There's no silence among us only laughter, and above all, there is no singed wings among us-- only love.
So forgive my random poem drawing-- its for all of us in our respective IN crowds...
And thank you to my two new followers